As I apply for jobs, I experience the inevitable rejection that accompanies the process. This comes courtesy of the appbots that screen for unpredicted keywords and the humbots that whittle down what passes through. The e-applicant is so in the dark.

My response is complicated. It seems to contain anger at being in this spot at all, a feeling of freedom at being in an in-between place that has possibility, and a mix of fear about what could be "nothing" on the other side along with anticipation for what it will be. It's enough to drive me to an obsessive interest in the small things I can control.  I know...I will exercise. I will clean. I will shop. I will read and write. 

The unseen costs of residing in this kind of "no place" lie in confidence, self-concept, social identification, independence, self-sufficiency...etc. Guilt and failure swirl in. How will this affect a marriage? After all, this wasn't part of the deal.

Are there stages of grief and loss essential to a resilient response?